


I'm not dead, what else do you want me to say?

by Bluem_art



Category: IT, IT - Stephen King
Genre: Character Death Fix, Comedian Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Fix It, How Do I Tag, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Stand Up, comedy show
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-20 21:33:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21063524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluem_art/pseuds/Bluem_art
Summary: Richie is back from Derry, after three weeks of being missing in all social media and canceling shows. he decided that he is going to come back to the stage with new material, this time written by himself. Things turn south when he realises he is tired of putting on a show, in a moment of self-reflection he lets for once all the memories of this past sink in, in a moment of irrational sobriety he tells the story of his young self in Derry (Excluding all clown related stories...)





	1. Are you ready for the show?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! this is the first time i write something like this, so don't be to judgy.
> 
> English is not my first language so i may make some mistakes.
> 
> I love Richie's relationship with Stan, Bev and Eddie in particular so they will more mentioned than the others.

After the news broke that famous comedian Richie Tozier cancelled all the shows he had programed for the next three months, tabloids of fake news started piling up, feed up by the fact that Tozier's daily tweets and social media presence abruptly stopped.

After having spent three weeks at Derry, Richie was back at his home in LA and he was ready to face the consequences of disappearing to the public eye, before anything Richie called his manager whom he had been ignoring since he left and after a long and tedious discussion where all Richie did was take a betting as Terry shouted at him, his manager finally was able to calm down, Richie understood Terry's anger wasn't actually anger, he was worried, how could he not be? Richie just send him a text that said "i'm going out of town, something i have to do, don't know when i am coming back, sorry" after all, they have been working for years together, Richie considered Terry one of the only close friends that he had in LA. so yeah, every scream came from a place of concern and Richie knew that, so he just kept his mouth shut. Suddenly his manager said something that caught Richie completely off guard...

"You have a show next week... it's gonna be a special, maybe with netflix maybe HBO, i don't know how are we gonna call it yet..."

Richie interrupts"what the fuck" Richie rubs his fingers through his eyes and takes a deep breath before he continued talking "I....I.. want to start over, write my own material again...you know?"

"...okay...we have to talk about that more in dept, but that's for another time......but...hey!... here me out.. we can make this work, the writers and i thought this special could be you addressing all the scandalous news and mocking them, i bet you can write about that, you don't have to think about personal stories with a punch line, you just gotta make funny remarks of the news... you have got to be aware that you have to somewhat explained what happened.... you cant ignore it forever...."

"but i did ignore IT... for so long.." whispering almost only for him to hear

"What?" terry sounded confused, almost worried "Rich, whatever you are going through im here.. i am your friend..."

"Nothing.. thanks, i know, i'm good though, still adjusting.....you said one week, right?.... fuck is so soon... i don't know Terry"

"Come on Richie, you are always able to pull through, i know you can... and if its to hard to start writing right now, you still have a table full of writers working for you"

"No, if i do a show i'll write it... i'll call you later, okay?"

Before terry could answer RIchie hung up the phone 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

After the events that occur in Derry the losers club decided to create a group chat where they would update each other about their lives and keep in close contact, since coming back everyone was really busy so there where not a lot text messages coming around,but everyone sended a daily message or photo except.. Richie, he distance himself from his phone so he could finish the material he was writing for the show. A day before the show he decides to start checking the messages in his phone, noticing that all of the losers had texted him at least once in a private chat to ask if he was okay, this based on the fact that the group haven't heard from him, he decided to ignore the individual chats and focussed into sending a message to the chat. A long time pass after Richie read all the messages and scanned all the photos pilling up in the chat when he decided that it was his time to update the losers in his life. He took a photo of the desk in front of him that was filled with papers and printed screenshots of the news that had been going around about him, attached to he picture "Saturday at 8pm, HBO, hope you enjoy what i have been up to. Ps spaguetti, yes, indeed, i wrote my own material now fucker."

After hitting send Richie got up from his desk and decided it was a good idea to take a shower. He was surprised by how fast all the losers had replied congratulating him on taking that step in his career, even though this messages made richie happy he couldn't help but think that the pressure was on, because even though none of the losers could go to the show in person, he knew they would be watching and that made his stomach twist from anxiety.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

"3.....2....1" Richie hears the countdown and he is ready to get out there, although he has heard the countdown so many times by now, this time is different, he knows that the losers are watching and he is going back to doing his own content after 10 years of others writing it for him. His body starts moving before his mind, he has done it a thousand times, walk to the stage wave a hand, smile and the show is on, but this time he is not able to simply start pulling jokes as he had planned to. Richie looked at the crowd, he gave them a side smile and pulling the microphone to his mouth "Im sorry" he is surprised by the raw tone of his voice, he didn't expect those words to come out but they did.

Richie stands frozen for a whole minute looking to the ground lightly nodding his head, almost as he was reassuring himself that yes indeed, he was going to be honest, he was going to take a moment to actually be serious.... who would have thought, Trashmouth grew up after all.

"Okay.... this is completely unscripted, i don't know what i am doing here... so have patience.....first, for all of you who haven't arrived to the conclusion, no, i'm not dead"

Richie hears a couple of chuckles from the audience and he feels like it's just a little bit easier to breathe.

"Where have i been for the last month? if i told you you probably wouldn't still know, that's because i went to my hometown... this little hell hole called Derry"

Richie takes a big breath before continuing, feeling the demanding eyes of his audience asking for a reason to his disappearance.

"If you ever tried google searching me and realised there is no information you could find of my life before my 20's it's because i didn't wanted you to know... I know it's not the most logical thing but i resent just thinking that in some way i belonged or was or am part of Derry. So being the rational person that i am, when i started making money i didn't bought myself a decent car o house, I paid good money to have my info in some sort of lockdown, it's just..... people couldn't know where i came from, mostly because i didn't remember it, i blocked it completely out of my mind and I felt this constant shame."

He looks down at the ground he can't believe he is doing this.

"Until recently when i got a call from an old friend, and well..... I went there because of a promise i had made 27 years ago, a promise with a bond deeper than any cut, and i mean it literally, we were thirteen years old and we made a fucking blood pact, like honestly, were we that stupid? we didn't do it with a clean knife or anything rationally clean, it was with a fucking broken bottle of the ground"

In this moment Richie took a second to look around, he realise that even thought he wasn't making people laugh, people were actually invested in what he was saying. With that realization a weird feeling came to Richie, he couldn't understand it but it was mixture of comfort and peace. A small smile appear in his face, he was serious and honest and the people around seemed to appreciate that.

"You know the pact was that serious that a hypochondriac agreed to fucking do it" people in the audience laughed "no, no, no, it's not a joke, like this kiddo... my childhood best friend could not stand a single germ touching his skin or entering his system without him going into full mental lockdown and here he was getting his hand cut with a fucking shard of glass in the middle of the woods"

He takes a sip of his water and he decides he should rap things up if he wanted to be able to use the material he had written mocking the news 

"But well now you know i am a man of my word, and said thing led me to disappear.." clapping his hands once he hopes to lighten the mood "..I think we should leave all seriousness aside... just give me a second so i can be back to being the emotionally detached stranger i always am and lets get back to the fun stuff, what you all think about that?"

Richie expected the crowd to cheer, that way he could pretend the show just started but that didn't happen. People starting talking to each other. Processing what was happening Richie didn't even notice the frown in his face.

"Come on guys.... dont tell me you want to hear about little old Richie some more?"

The audience cheered and Richie was shooked, why would they want to know about me? did they care? 

With confusion still written on his face he looked around in the audience, everyone was relaxed, truly expecting Richie to continue talking about himself

"Okay guys, you know i am all in on narcissism but it seems you are playing a joke on me, i mean what do you want? my little life story ?" 

As soon as Richie asked people starting chanting in the audience leading Richie to believe that yes, he was about to tell his life story in a show...? To say he felt confused would be an understatement, but something about it felt good.

"Okay, okay, okay, you want a life story? because you are gonna walk out of here crying not laughing"

From his point of view this was a funny joke, people paid for him to make them laugh but when met to the chance to actually get to know this random dude in the stage they didn't mind changing their plans from comedy club, to a hearing of the depressing life of Richie `Trashmouth´Tozier

"Okay, wow, this is fucking weird....i wouldn't know where to start.."

Richie ran a hand through his hair, pulling his curls away from his face.

"Well my parents are Wentworth Tozier prestigious dentist always around the country giving conferences and Maggie tozier loving housewife that was never at home...and if it came the case that she was at home, she was hella drunk."

Richie swallows hard as the feelings of him talking about his past in an audience start to sink in, he can feel the full attention of the audience eager to know more and it creeps him out a little... not enough to stop himself from continuing.

"When i was about Five was when i found out a little secret my mother was withholding from me...she always wanted a girl, hilarious, right? to tell a five year old to fuck off to their room because they couldn't bare the sadness you provoke on them." Richie looked at the ground and anyone could hear the sadness in his voice as he continued "I was not a stupid kid, i was just a little to kind, so i told myself she was just sad. The next day i made her breakfast, a simple oatmeal with fruit i chopped myself, not bad for a five year old i guess... and well i went to her room and to spare you the sting, i just must say, that day I realised my mom was not saying this because she was sad, she was saying those things because she was for once being honest" Richie signed "by that time i was starting to have friends and shit... and when i started having something to compare mt household with, i realised i was alone and that was not normal, my parents starting leaving town for months at a time without me when i was seven and i got used to it, the loneliness wasn't that bad, honestly the company was worst... let me.. tell you a bit of my father"

Looking through the people, he suddenly look at some people whom with their eyes, they were telling Richie "i get you" "I have been there". This made Richie both so sad and happy, he couldn't really understand.

"My father, well my parents, forgot they had a kid when i turned six, i knew just the basic stuff to keep me alive so they would leave for longer and longer periods of times, but that is not really important, what mattered is that when they got to be home it meant my father was not working, so..... he would get drunk.... oh-that-fucker... as you could predict, he was not a friendly drunk type of guy. I was.....I dunno, 12?..14? when i learn do to stitches on myself..." Richie could see the shock in some peoples faces with that sentence and he felt sad, because at the end of the day, this was his childhood, he's not saying this for a show, this was his reality and it never should have been. " but hey! in Derry it helped a lot learning from a young age how to take a beating. I can say proudly.... i don't think that word is what i meant to say but whatever... i can say proudly that my father never laid a finger on my mother in my watch, honestly eight year old Richie started to question 'why protect someone who emotionally damages you?' but well, that question never got an answer so i took the beating as best as i could...." Richie lets out a small laugh and stares in the audience.." you know... the bitch never dared touching my face, he knew i was good at hiding bruises or cracked ribs, pretending it didn't hurt, but there were limits of how high up the neck of my shirt could go or how long can my sleeves be, so he always protected himself by staying away of my face"

Richie decides to take the stool that is at his side and sit there, it feels weird, he rarely ever sits while performing. He looks to his side to see his manager off stage, his face goes from 'WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE DOING?' to 'you know you could have talked to me about that stuff right?'

At that moment he was convinced people were getting bored but in some way he knew they weren't, the energy in the room was heavy but not in a way you hope to change it, more in a way you feel you need some pure air, so that's what Richard did.

"For the sake of taking the pity away from your eyes i would tell you what was good about my childhood... my friends" 

He couldn't help but smile, he felt more relaxed even though his head was rumbling not knowing who he should start talking about first.

"Stan... the first friend i ever had....we met when i was....four? i don't know. His mother and mine had an art class together, she only stayed like two months in that class and was back to drinking in no time... but that doesnt matter... Stan-the-man.. he became like and extended part of me and i became an extended part of him... we were nothing alike but it didn't matter. Since a young age he learn to read my thoughts. He would know if i was having a bad day or if i was stuck in a though and just by looking at me in the eyes he would let me know he knew. just to clarify this was not one way, i was able to read him pretty well but here is the thing, he didn't had much problems besides worrying about me." Richie exhaled a breath he didn't knew he was holding "well that was until we met Bill and Eddie. Stan and Bill's parent arranged a play date when we we eight and since that, we were inseparable"

Getting up from the stool he was sitting in, he walked closer to the crowd

"Bill became the big brother i never had. We were the same age but i could always feel this glare of protection over me. He is the best, and.. did i mention, he is not any Bill, he is THE Bill Denbrough, the famous horror writer! Ain't that cool? it would be so much cooler if some of his stories were not inspired by our horrible childhood though"

The time to talk about Eddie came and Richie didn't know what to say...... he didn't wanted to lie, he couldn't....not anymore..


	2. The truth is alway hard to swallow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ater opening up about his childhood life, he realises he skipped over some important detail that made him the way he was, in a moment of courage he decides to open up....

HALF TRUTH IS STILL TRUTH

"Eddie Spaghetti, my man, he was my childhood best friend, i think we are still best friends... we haven't talked that much honestly but when we do talk the same old feeling of fondness comes back." Richie turns his head at a point in the crowd as if he was looking to a camera or a person." If i'm wrong you can correct me later, Eds" he laughs to himself before he continues.."wouldn't it had been hilarious if when i looked at that random point in the audience, he was there rolling his eyes. And you may wonder, why would he rolled his eyes? For your information i just used the two nicknames I had for him that he hated the most, and he was a little bitch, he wouldn't just let me have it." making his best impression of Eddie "My NAME IS EDDIE NOT EDS YOU DICKWARD" 

Some people in the audience laugh 

"But hey he is my best friend and with all honestly i love that dude, if i was in a movie type of moment where i would have to take a bullet for him, i would, no doubt" some awww from the audience members can be heard and Richie can't help but blush a little. 

"Hey, hey, hey, we clarified earlier i am not an asshole, so don't act as if its new news that i would do anything for my friends"

Realizing he sounded a bit defensive with that last sentence he feels a bit of weight in his stomach and the nerves crawls up his spine

"Okay, well, yeah, that hypochondriac is the best person in the world.... he... he...." he is the first and only love of my life " he deserves the best" 

Richie smiles as he tries to convince himself that he didn't lie, he just avoided the deeper truth.

"Little recap before we continue.... Stan the man, he and i have and spiritual connection we can't explain, Big bill my big no blood related brother, Eddie my best friend.... those are the original losers"

Richie gets excited thinking about talking an anecdote about Bev. At the end of the day she was the baddest bitch of them all.

"When we were 13, three more losers add to the club. Honestly we didn't like new people but the moment we so them we just thought to ourselves, 'those bitches are a bunch of losers'"

The crowd laughs and Richie feels as if he is back in his twenties in small clubs performing, those first laugh that just made him feel better"

"Bev...Beverly....we had a connection, it was different that any connection that any of the other losers have, we both had a similar situation at home, we helped each other cover bruises or scars from the others so many times, we knew if they saw, they would worry and well, there was nothing they could do. Bev, since the first day she was my partner in crime. That bitch and I have some wild moments... my first weed experience was with her... but that is a story for another day."

Richie pauses feeling less anxious than before and he gives a small genuine smile to the crowd

"Ben, he and i didnt talked much but when I was sad and not admitting it to myself or the others losers he would find a moment and he would hug me. I sucked at expressing myself with words and he knew that so he would just hug me and tell me that i was never alone. That fucker always got me close to crying and as much as I hated that, i loved every second of it, honestly if everyone hugged like Haystack we would be in a better world... now even more that he got super hot. He was the chubby one in the group! and now he is Mister I have a six pack! what the fuck?!"

Richie takes a sip of his water 

"Mike, the last loser. He was the one who got us together, and i must say i hate and love that fucker, he brought back what i most missed in the world but with that he brought a handful of trauma....I...I... don't know...." A memory started to flash through his head 

"Fuck... i didn't remembered that... " 

His eyes open wide and his mouth falls a little bit open in shock.

He starts to feel anxiety creeping up on him and for the first time he does not run away from it... he fights it.

He could feel how the audience its at the end of their seats, full of curiosity.

"There where this bullies, Bowers gang.. they had the hole town eating out the palm of their hands, until when i was thirteen. Henry the leader was arrested and blamed for lots of murders in town including two of the other gang members... Vic and Belch. If you are good at math you realised one of them was still alive." 

Richie took a deep breath and closed his eyes before he was able to continue. 

"Patrick"

Richie started to move around in the place where he was standing, now his anxiety that he has always been able to hide in the stage was dripping in the form of sweaty hands and his leg bouncing up and down without control, realizing this Rich made its way back to the stool behind him and he took a sit.

"I- I- don't know how to tell this story. The losers, they- they- don't even know this happened. i hope they don't get mad when i preferred to tell it first to an audience full of strangers instead of them, but honestly you could hate me and i couldn't give less of a fuck. But- but if the losers blamed me.... if- if- they hated me and i could see their disapproving eyes i would die"

Richie stared at a blank point in the ground in front of him, trying to pretend he was alone on some way. But mostly he looked at the ground hoping to avoid peoples eyes, he was terrified if he look at them he would find discuss.

"You know.... I never have liked telling people the story of my first kiss.... this girl Tiffany at a party, she was drunk, i was drunk, i hated it, she came onto me and force to keep going, until i push her away. Seems like a bad story but, it's not bad at all. Don't get me wrong that would have been a shitty way to have my first kiss but in all honestly i would have chosen it over the truth. And i did in some way, because i told the story so many times that I convinced myself it was true..... but the only part that was true was that i was forced into the kiss."

"I was fifteen, I had had a fight with the losers so i was walking through the woods alone, it was late, i was angry, cursing, stomping my feet hard into the ground, i was so angry that i didn't realise someone started following. Until I felt breathing on my ear and a voice behind me said 'why so lonely loser?'"

Richie shakes his head trying to shake away the feeling of patricks breathing close to him.

"Simultaneously two big hand wrapped around my shoulders. In a blink of an eye i was turned around by those hands and pushed into a nearby tree. And that's when i thought 'it was nice being alive while it lasted'....You have to understand being in the woods in the dark with that psychopath was BAD. I started praying i would die fast, and maybe i should have prayed a little louther."

Richie decides to take pic into peoples faces, trying to figure out how much of the story have they already deduced in their own, looking at people he saw so many sadness it shook him, people understood, not only what happened but what it meant for him. He realised he didn't needed to continue the story but he was for once facing fear dead on and he didn't wanted to back down.

"Maybe i am an idiot or i am the smartest man alive but i thought i could run away from that situacion. Because- sure I could get out of the hands of a kid older and stronger than me and after that i thought i would be able to run faster that him... Makes total sense, RIGHT?" 

the sarcasm of that last sentence bounced through the walls but he didn't care enough to apologise.

"What ended up happening was that i stumbled to the ground and Patrick found that a nice place to rest his ass was in my fucking chest"

The more he kept telling the story the more sadness and anger fuse into one, his words lacked feelings and at the same time carried too much of them.

"This is the part in the movie you expect a character to die but what happened was a complete plot twist for me. Patrick- he- he-" Richie filled his lungs with air trying to find strength "he- he kissed me"

His eye are back in the floor not wanted to be interrupted by others judgments that they may have.

"And- I- closed my eyes and mouth shut and- I guess that wasn't enough for him? So he grabbed me by the throat and pinched my nose. And he waited for me to gasp for air. He smiled at me while I suffocated in his arms and at first i was going to let myself die there. With all honesty i didn't care, but my body didn't thought the same so just before passing out my muscles relaxed and... my mouth fell open. I was falling out of conscience but then- then-. Fuck, then i fell a fucking tongue inside my mouth and i shot back to conscience and i was ready to puke" 

Richie hadn't realised but his hands were shaking and his breathing was a mess, but he knew if he didnt continue, he would never finish the story.

"This- This- went on for i don't fuking know how long. At some point he got bored of shoving his tongue in my mouth so he started passing his hands through my body, he- he- took out his knife and he ripped my shirt through the middle."

"For a moment he got away of my mouth, he wanted to look at me i guess, he just stood there and i knew he wanted me to cry, to beg, to twist, and i decided i wasn't going to do that, he could rape me, kill me, but he wouldn't get me begging. I would die with 'dignity'. Such a weird concept in this situation."

He closed his eyes and a tear fell of his cheek, usually he would wipe it away but he didn't have enough fucks to give.

"I was ready to suffer silently, 15 years of my life with alcoholic parents prepared me to not give any pleasure to this psychopath. But then- then something happened. We both heard a voice, it was like a man calling for his dog or something. In this moment I had a shot to survive and took it, so i found a way and I kicked patrick in the balls as hard as I could and then I ran... I ran to an empty house, my house, were I cried myself to sleep"

With his heart beating at a normal rate once again, He becomes more self aware of his surrounding, he hears the white noise around him, and he even here sniffs, little cries, from people who knew to well the feeling, he thought he would have cried if he heard the story from someone else...

"If you thought i was free, the jokes on you. I had to face the guy the next day at school" Richie lets out a laugh, small but strong and filled with anxiety. "Yep, the events i just recalled where on tuesday, so I wasn't able to skip school on wednesday because i would end up seeing him on thursday or friday, so i was fucked."

"With all the strength I had, I went to school and the losers could tell something was wrong but none could know what was wrong, I was terrified that Stan would know. I was afraid he wouldn't look at me the same, I felt like a little dirty faggot, because i kissed a boy, well he kissed me and he touched me but I was filthy because I let it happen. I know for you it doesnt sound logical to blame myself but I knew that I could have provoked Patrick into killing me with the knife since the beginning but I didn't. So that made me feel so ashamed."

Richie starts to rub his face with his hand before he continues

"So, yeah, as I thought Stanley was onto me, he wouldn't stop staring, he was waiting for me to stare back so he could read as the open book I always was to him. But I didn't looked up, I never shared eye contact that day. Until he pulled me to the side in a lunch break and starting asking me questions, I tried to deflect with comedy because that's who I am and it didnt worked. So I ran to the bathroom, and.... guess who followed me...."

Finding enough strength richie stood up and he took some steps through the stage

"Patrick"

Richie wasn't nervous anymore... he was just tired.

"He looked at me with such happiness in his eyes, it was disgusting. He- he said to me 'hello toy' what the fuck? where does that nickname came from? this is no game for me? and i may have been thinking to loud because he came close to me and he said ' You are aware you are my toy now? I own you and you will comply to me as long as I decide you are fun to play with'. My first instinct was to tell him to fuck off, and I did, I told him and obviously he wasn't surprised. I knew he wasn't the smartest guy but he wasn't stupid so i started to get afraid that i would get killed in the bathroom at school but no, he knew what I was doing,he knew that what I was saying was based on survival, he knew that I knew that even though my life sucked, I would try to stay alive, but he knew that I cared more for my friends life that for my own, so he took that to his advantage. He said ' i guess the Stutter boy would have to do.... or the Jew... or the lover boy....you have always been my favorite. So pretty, you have porcelain skin as a doll. but if you don't play with me, I will find someone without enough strength to not comply' and in that moment- In that moment i knew this wasn't about surviving anymore, i wouldn't try to have dignity, i would agree to lose all dignity, all self respect, all integry, so my friends would be safe"

More tears start to knockout from his eyes but he can't stop.

"So i agreed to meet him on friday at eight, behind school. I agreed knowing this wasn't going to be the only night, that this was the start of a long nightmare. As the week went on the losers could tell i was stressed but i deflected them with jokes a best as I could.They probably thought it had to do with my parents, so they gave me space"

Richie reaches for the glass of water in the table and takes a big gulp.

"Friday came...... and Patrick never showed up, i thought he was testing if i would obey or not, so that night I took the longest shower of my life, scrubbing my whole body until it was raw red just thinking of what could happen the next time i met up with Patrick."

"You know... I- I don't believe in God, but someone up there in the heavens had mercy on me. I say this because I found out the next day that patrick had died. They wouldn't say how but i didn't care honestly. I mean, God you can take to hell for saying this but- dawn I was happy. I was so fucking happy, i couldn't help but smile just thinking of that bastard in hell"

Richie couldn't help the smile creeping up in this lips and his exhaled, after so long of holding his breath, afraid of the memories that haunted him. In that moment Richie released all that he had said during the show, it hit him hard, all the things he was scared off. He admitted them and it made him feel better, so the thought to himself, there's only one thing left to admit, because.. 

"Half truth is not good enough for me anymore....so i must change topic, move on from the bad stuff witch I am over with, and I must admit, I didn't said the whole truth about my best friend, and now, standing here, having confessed so many secrets, there's one left i can't leave behind anymore..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dont hate me for adding another chapter, couldn't help myself! 
> 
> I would truly appreciate some feedback, so let me know what you though.

**Author's Note:**

> That's part one! what do you think about it? i will do a part 2 to finish the show but that's for another day.


End file.
